This writing piece will guide you to master the subtle art of having a strong influence over people. However, please take a note of caution that it won’t necessarily turn you into an overpowered being like Superman or grant you supernatural abilities (it might, but you need to be desperate enough to try new things). For those of you who momentarily feasted on the idea that you could brainwash your friends starting next week, my apologies for up-surging your hopes higher than Snoop Dogg. But yes, you will definitely learn how to make your article more ‘humorous’ for people who read it.

First off, DO NOT USE SARCASM. You read that correctly. In 2009, a Colombian man with coronary heart disease perished at an early age of 93, after being exhilarated over an indirect joke he took 30 minutes to crack. Why would you want a mere article to bring about such a demise for people? Clearly, sarcasm kills. As you continue reading this article, you will find that it is completely sarcasm-free.

Second, know your audience. You do not want to publish an article about the epic fails of the pro-wrestling industry (scripted), which has even led to a few handful performers’ untimely deaths for an eight-year-old boy who happens to idolize John Cena. Perhaps, you could emphasize the feats of the all-time greatest, despite him being a non-existent guy. 

Third and the most effective tip, state some facts boldly! Your article could start in a way that justifies why Donald Trump has been the best president in the USA’s 244 years history due to his flamboyant efforts to make America great again. You should also explain why he is the more probable and deserving candidate to win the US Election 2020 by an enormous margin. It doesn’t really matter if you can uphold his stature or not because the US people are reliable enough to ensure that he is elected once again.As 2019 witnessed one of the greatest anime coming into play, you could also proudly proclaim why Demon Slayer is by far superior to any other anime that exists. That will definitely set up your article to slay.

If more examples were to be set, your write-up could support the USA’s ongoing anti-mask movement. The majority of the population claims that they are being coerced to use masks against their own will. It is clear as crystal water that it is a pure violation of their human rights as no one deserves to be ‘muzzled.’ If you were to be considerate as to think from their point of view; which is undoubtedly the proper way of thinking, COVID-19 (a hoax) has a negligible 70% possibility of infection when appropriate social-distancing measures are not maintained meaning this new virus should not be anything to worry about at all. On the other hand, enforcing a whole crowd to use masks without any explanatory reason leads to paranoiac issues and issues like suffocation as well, which equals death. It is of paramount importance that someone really needs to raise his voice against the American citizens’ unquestionable injustice. If you were to feature this burning issue, you could be the hero that the world needs right now!As you come towards the end of this column, I truly hope you now know how to make your writing more seriously. But remember, the bottom line (like literally) is: Don’t be racist; it doesn’t cost you much.

Edited By: MD Tarek Hossain

Written By: Abrar M Fuad